When I say part-time I mean extremely part -time. I had my first two gigs in three years there a couple of months back.
To put it not so nicely, I shit a brick. (Irish slang term for ABSOLUTLY PETRIFIED)
I couldn’t believe my nerves for that first gig on the Saturday night of that weekend. Why was I so terrified? Probably because it had been so long and I’m a silly, over thinking, anxiety filled mess. I was so scared I would make a fool of myself, that I would forget lyrics or do the wrong chord at the wrong time. It’s a horrible feeling. The whole day I practiced and the whole day I was near panic attack.
The feeling grew steadily worse as I recall. Thankfully my adoring mother was on hand that afternoon to be able to help me rehearse. She may not be some amazing vocal training but she knows me well enough to know how to handle me and isn’t afraid to say what she needs to (aka. the truth) to be able to get me to souund my best. After all she’s been going to the majority of my brothers gigs since he was 16ish… He’s 33(ish?) now.
I know, terrible right… I can’t even remember my brother’s age. I’m a horrible sister apparently. No one’s told me that, but it must be the case if I forget that.
Where was I?
…
Oh yes, so my mum arrived (not half soon enough in my opinion with the way I was freaking out but hey, we can’t have it all our way can we now?). We went through some of the songs and she helped me improve upon them. Whether it was putting a song up a key to suit my voice better or telling me to slow it down. I believe at some point she told me “Slow down, it’s not a race darling.” Or something along the lines of that. Race was definitely mentioned in the negative either way. All this while consitently reminding me to BREATHE.
Now I know some of you may be thinking “breathe? But surely as someone who sings you would already know that?”
Of course I know that.
Alas though, it was not something I remembered to do a lot while in panic mode.
I am my own worst enemy!!
To my surprsie I actually got very good feedback from the crowd. That’s something I am always surprised at, purely because I have such a stupid habit of constantly thinking that I am no good and that I mess up all the time.
The following day I had my second gig. The chamge in my attitude was drastic. I wa lazy, not worrying about the gig that much at all. But the reasoning was not because I had had a miraculous mental recovery. No, it was because I drank too much the night before and ended up being rather hungover. Completely self inflicted. That gig definitely did not start off well with only one person in the bar. Considering this wass at 6 o’clock in the evening it was hardly surprising.
Now my singing sure as hell was not up to scratch, nor was my guitar playing but after a while a handful of people came in and we had, as we say here in Ireland, “Great craic”. The banter between the crowd and myself really saved the gig for me.
And so we find ourselves back to today… A title for a new movie maybe? A follow on from Back to the Future? Could be good. Probably not though.
So I find myself in the path of another gig. The 28th of December. In fairness we’re only on the 12th of November so you would imagine that I would be spending all my apre time rehearsing. But no… I do an hour a day. I find it so difficult sometimes. You know when you just loose interest in doing something for while and then any time that you try to go do it you just feel like it’s a half-assed attempt? Well that’s me right now.
Not to mention that this gig is in a bar I have only frequented a couple of times, even though it’s at the end of my road. It’s just not a pub that I go to ya know? I’ve always felt very judged in there.
Then again I feel judged everywhere…..
Indigo-Mom
xx
(Note. Credit to Google for supplying the pictures, these are not my own creations.)
Indigo-Mom 